An Introverted Extrovert

There might have been a time, especially as a child, when we might like to believe that friendship just happens and we connect better with people of our own age. But then as you grow older and maybe wiser, you realize that the connection happens only a few times and when it does, age is just a mere number. But being the smart kid that I was, I attained this priceless wisdom at a very young age.

My first best friend that I can ever remember was close to 12 years older than me. I was in my kindergarten and he was doing his engineering. What a cool kid I should have been right! We used to live in the same apartment community. I loved hanging out with him. He used to take me out for ice creams in his bicycle and I would look forward to those rides every day. I was found to be at his house more than at my place. He was the one who taught me how to read time from an analog clock. He was the one who showed me what fun flying a kite was. You see, we shared such a great friendship. I thought we are BFFs until one day 2 years later.

I was in my second grade and finally he became the one to teach me what rivalry and possessiveness is. A new girl moved in to the community and guess what, she was in her kindergarten now. And this guy who is supposed to be my BFF ditched me for her. He started taking her out for ice creams and play with her. I was heartbroken but he will always remain my first ever best friend and I will always relish those cycle rides and ice creams. Age didn’t seem to be a barrier at all to me.

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And then, when I was in my third grade, I was moved to a different school. A different surrounding. I hated being the new girl. Luckily, I had another best friend from birth who I can swear will never ditch me for any random new girl, my sister! She was two years older than me and went to the same school. She had a big group of friends. How convenient. I happily tagged myself with her friends who were all 2 years older than me. I used to hang out with just them, have lunch with just them and play only with them. See, again age was not a barrier to me! What a smart kid I was!

I was so happy and comfortable until one day the best friend who I swore will never ditch me did something that I never thought she will! Ditched me! But for my own good. She became concerned that I have no friends from my own class and since she did not get the wisdom I got at such an early age, she decided that I needed friends of my own age and kicked me out of her group. She asked me to do the one thing I dreaded the most. ‘FIND’ my own friends. How I wish it was as easy as it was said. I cried. I wouldn’t let her go. But she had to! She said it was for my own good which I did not understand then.

Since I was left with no options, I hopelessly started to look for friendship to happen. Slowly but steadily, my group of friends with whom I shared lunch increased from just me to almost 8 more girls when I was in 10^th grade. I guess my sister would have smiled proudly seeing her younger sister’s group expand in front of her own eyes.

And then the magic happened. I started having friends wherever I went. Till this date, I have friends I treasure like precious gems and friends I am so proud of.

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Only then I realized that it was no bullsh** wisdom of mine. But I was scared. Scared to make a start. Scared to make friends. I had gladly tagged with older people than me so they did all the talking and I can just take their lead.

People who know me or people who see me with my friends may think I am an extrovert. But am I? No way. I get nervous as hell when I am supposed to meet a big gathering of people. I get restless if I have to meet someone for the first time.

So, should I call myself an introvert? No Way! I cannot do that. I have no problems as such talking. In fact, my history has it that I started speaking even before I was one year old and I have always been a chatterbox. Trust me, my mouth aches if I don’t talk for long.  But surprisingly, I have always been a shy kid as well. I can get comfortable only with some people and only they know what a crazy human I am.

So maybe, should I say I am an ‘Introverted Extrovert’? That sounds far better than a confused idiot. So I better go with that!